Of It All

3/7/08

I could burst
from the feeling
I could just sing
out loud.
I could lose my neck
and lose my head
And that's the thrill
of it all.
I could write
a bestseller
I could just look
you in the eyes
I could start a band
and play the drums
And that's the thrill
of it all.
I could play
a part in a movie
I could lose myself
in your arms
I could walk in the rain
and get crushed by a plane
And that's the thrill
of it all

Seti
1/1/08

Sub zero molecules
moving away from
at light speed
towards another body
I've lost your orbit
Dark matter surrounds us
as my sun dims
Your body is the
celestial heavens
hidden from me
by time
by gravity
by a universe uncaring
Your voice
so distant
broken radio waves
discordant and faint
My eyes
once so full of wonder
turn to the night sky
now so cold
now so empty
search for
any sign of life

Beats Only When It Beats
10/7/07

Like an orbit gone erratic
blood flows all spastic
my heart beats so sporadic
cause it beats only when it beats for you

Trapped in Shimizu’s attic
I try not to panic
I can’t stop acting manic
it beats only when it beats for you

You’d think by now I’d have it all
figured out
You’d think by now I’d be calm
Not freak out
You’d think that I could think about thinking
about not just thinking about you
How could I when my heart
beats only when it beats for you

I know this sounds melodramatic
A bit too theatric
But I can’t be pragmatic
When it beats only when it beats for you

I try to keep it under plastic
to not be romantic
but I think it’s so fantastic
that it beats only when it beats for you

Blank
8/13/07
the words fight me
now more then ever
they refuse to fill
my page
or my soul
they hold
everything
back from me
abandoning me
in this dark nostalgic
time
leaving me to
my own tuneless thoughts
and my stupid mindless
ramblings
self hate only goes so
far
before it just becomes
pathetically trite
if the words would
only come
i could write something new
i could be someone different
not a blank soul on a page

Under Everything
8/13/07
Under everything lies
just more lies
just more tales of
love and loss and loss and love.
The same thing
the same damn thing
that lies inside us all
driving us mad
with all this pain
mixed with blood
mixed with desire.
Under all of the lies lie
nothing but empty space
just waiting to be filled
with pain and hate
razor blades
and bite marks
hidden behind the lie of a smile

Confused Epiphany
4/30/07

You wonder what’s wrong
You’re singing a song
Then suddenly find yourself
Starting to cry
You’re on top of your game
And then nothing’s the same
One second you’re happy
Then next one you’re sad
And you’re worried that you’re
Going mad
It’s a blessing in disguise
When you finally realize
That it’s love
The way you think
When you feel
That you’re thinking
It’s real
And you hope that she’s
Thinking it too
Then the fear that’s she’s not
Gets you tied up in knots
Turned around
Upside down
That’s how you know
That it’s love
When every dream
That you dream
Every fear
Every hope
Invokes the use of
Her name
When every smile
Every sigh
Every heart-skipping beat
Is attached to the thought
Of her eyes
The world disappears
Every time she draws near
You stop breathing
At the touch of her hand
And you can’t understand
How’d she want such a man
That’s how you know
That it’s love.

I Hope So
06/05/06
Did I make
you feel better
when you wanted to die?
Did I help you forget
about the tears in your eyes?
Did I help you hold on
as you were letting go?
Did I?
Did I?
I hope so.
Do you think of me
like I think of you-
a partner a lover a friend?
Do you think of me
when you’re sitting alone
wishing I was holding you close?
Do you?
Do you?
I hope so.
Can we live like this?
Like a dream.
Like a wish.
Can we never never
say goodbye?
Can we?
Can we?
I hope so.

Paint-By-Numbers
04-20-06

This space
it’s mine you know
This place
it’s mine too you know
You have everything
everything you could want
and I have this
This pain that defies you
by defining me
better then your iron handed
paint-by-numbers ever could
It angers you
I know
that my anger
isn’t dependent on you
I’m independent from you
my masochistic nature
extends to our one-sided
relationship
You hurt me because I
want you to
it’s the only way I
want you.
You are a cigarette burn
on my soul
a wound to remind me
of all the bad habits
that I can’t kick
I can fall from you
you know you have
no gravity to hold me
no chains to bind me
no love to give me
Not that I’d want some
girlish platitudes or
honey coated heartaches
I’ve had more then I can stand
of lipstick lies
and pointless good-byes

The Last Temptation of Isaiah Rose
2/7/06

Women are trouble
I’ll tell you son,
they may look pretty
they may look like fun
But girls cause problems
everyman knows-
just listen to the story
'bout Isaiah Rose.
Isaiah never lacked
any female attention
he was sexy and suave
and not to mention
he had it where it counts
(to hear the women tell)
but none that helped him
when he met Danielle
She was at the bar
taking a shot
when she turned around and saw him
he knew he was caught.
She right walked up to him
her tongue tracing her lips
she looked him up and down
with her hands on her hips.
She pulled him closer
‘til they’re bodies met
she smelt like Indecense
and a clove cigarette
She pressed against him
and said “I know what you want
I can feel it against me
don’t act nonchalant.
You don’t have to beg
I’ll get down on my knees
and if my mouth isn’t full
then I’ll just say please.
We can blow this joint
my place is not far away
I’ll let you handcuff me,
now what do you say?”
Isaiah didn’t know
just how to respond
he let Danielle lead him out
past the club and beyond
A week goes by
before he turns up dead
he gave up his life
on the promise of head.
There’s a moral to this story
as I’m sure you can guess-
The Devil is real
and She’s wearing a dress
So cover your ass
and watch where you go
It’s not worth you life
for some back-ally blow.

Kilter
1/23/06

Lost my muse
amused by the proposition
that this position could be filled
and filed away by an independent anarchy
or governmental bureaucracy
without a single word from me.
Censorship isn’t worth shit if what I’m not saying
is that I’ve already lost it.
Too many rely on the crutch of guns and breasts
both best abused when used in the hands of a killer
So off kilter when she strikes me and hikes me around
like a biker in an unending cycle of being lost and found.
But my water is her breath and my death is hers too
so she’ll use me, confuse me, stop any attempted coup
Fool that I am I sate her and date her underrate this hate
pooling up inside
I’m Jekyll, she’s Hyde-a thorn in the side
a roller coaster ride fearful and fast
aware it won’t last past this night

Melodious Melancholy
1/4/06

I am not the person
that I would like to be
it’s not a mystery
that I’m in misery.
And I’m not the kind of person
that takes responsibility
for my past history
I think it’s plain to see
that I’m in misery.
My talents and abilities?
Nonexistent.
Opportunity knocked three times.
I missed it.
I don’t like to sound
self pitying,
but on some rainy days
it’s most fitting.
‘Cause I’m not the person
that I would like to be
It’s a shame
Don’t you see?
There’s no escaping
No, not for me.
I’m not the person
that I thought I’d be
not when I was three
growing up at my
father’s knee.
And we’re not the people
that we thought we’d be
We’ve lost our energy
our will to just be free
Could someone save me
from this misery?
But I guess it is
I think it is
I know it is
up to me.

little black angst cloud
6/27/05

i'm just a little black angst cloud
hovering over humanity
only a little black angst cloud
is this all i will ever be?

everyone knows that this angst cloud
can never dry up, no not a bit
i'll just put on a frown and sulk around
wondering why i can't quit

Cinder
6/27/05

She burns me
like only she can
with her hips
with her lips
with a flick of her tounge
Her smooth skin
her hair
silky underwear
Lights me up
takes me down
consumes me
burns me
like only she can

Blood from a Stone
4/16/04

It's not what you promised
It's not what I wanted
sleeping with lies
and next to a stranger.
No happily ever after
just one more ending
but I can't let it end here
and I can't let it linger
choking on silence
breaking my knuckles
on these brick walls
that surround me
trap me
deny me
your love
and deny me
your touch
This cement is hatred
the foundation is loneliness
Those brick walls
that surround you
deny me
my vengeance
And you seem to think
seem to want
me to hate you
and you seem to think
seem to say
you feel the same
but deep down inside
we both know the
right answers
and deep down inside
our foundation is crumbling
eroding from rain
brought on by
expectations conceived
by our parents
by friends
by complete strangers
we both want to know
instead of each other
But I sleep next to you
and never another
hold onto brick
and struggle for covers
Tears from a rock
and blood from a stone
what do you want from me
how to atone
for something I didn't say
or something I did
I can't seem to fathom
what goes through your head
This brick wall that surrounds us
is denying us life
the concrete is anger
our foundation is gone
no happy ending
just one more day
that captures our feelings
then throws them away.

Everything's not Everything 10/18/05

Stand on your soapbox
and Heaven will still exceed
your grasp
You grasp as straws
that just brake my back
This is not what you wanted
and I’m not sleeping anymore
Insomnia’s taking me places
you can never go
Like a rabbit down the hole
I don’t believe you anymore
and everything’s not everything
It’s not really anything at all
But the skies open up
and rain falls like bombshells
knocking me aside with lie
after lie
after lie
Everything falls apart
I hold to the rubble
orbiting your life
I can see the entirety
of your universe laid bare
And I see that everything’s not everything
It’s just nothing at all.